Daisy Mae

For those of you who know me understand what and how I feel about animals. I wanted to be a vet when I was little then understood that I may have to put them down and decided against that. I have had dogs and cats over the years...and a very special kitty named Ewok for I had since I was 9 years old...died of cancer when I was 21. That was the worst time of my life. About a month after she passed I got 2 kittens. Daisy Mae and Sassafrass. (Daisy and Sassy).
This was taken when they were about a year and half. Sass is on the left and Daisy is on the right.

I am and will forever be a cat person. I love them like I love my child. They are my best friends. And sadly on Tuesday, the 21st I lost one of my best friends.

I walked down the hallway that morning to get ready for work and found Daisy laying behind the couch on the floor. She was not moving...and from what we think we believe she had a heart attack. Daisy was a very sensitive kitty and took on the role of the protector. She protected her sister Sassy all the time. Sassy was the runt of the litter and from the day we took her home until the day she passed she would always let Sass eat first. She'd let Sass do everything first. I of course was devastated to find my precious Mae kitty gone...but now I only have Sassy...and she won't understand where sister is.

I don't mean to write this to depress anyone...I just need to talk about it. It helps me I think. I am sooooo sad. But with work this week I haven't really had time to vent and to really get it out. But now I can. Today I think Sassy is starting to realize that Daisy is really gone. She keeps walking up and down the hall going into each room...meowing...looking for her. It is the saddest thing I think I've ever seen. Sassy has become so much more attached to Jerid and I over the past couple of days. Just breaks my heart.

I think with Daisy passing it was actually harder on me than when Ewok passed. I was able to prepare for Ewok...I made the decision to put her down after not eating for 3 days. But with Daisy...to find her at 6:30 in the morning...worst feeling in the world.

I don't care who thinks I'm crazy...you just don't understand what it's like to have something to love...and that will love you unconditionally...just for being you. It's amazing how much you can love an animal...how much joy they bring to your heart. Their habits you will never forget...and everytime you do something that you know you shared with them...like when I get out of bed and make sure to look before putting my feet down...because that's where she slept. Doing the dishes and having her come sit on the counter and watch...then sniff my nose....or when sad...she would come snuggle me...the kitty who did not cuddle. I need her now.


Oh I miss my Mae kitty...she was a sweet one. I'll never forget you Mae.

Life

So it has been a while and I don't want to be that person who only posts once a year...so I'm going to update everyone who is interested on what has been preoccupying my life as of late. Maleigha is now a week away from being 7 months old! Time has gone by so fast it breaks my heart! She is looking more and more like a little girl to me instead of my baby. But as I tell her every night when I lay her down and kiss her goodnight..."I'll love you forever and always...". She is army crawling it up...not quite a full on crawl but she is on her way. She holds her bottle, rolls over, goes from laying down to sitting up on her own, says 'Dada' 'Mama'...and I promise she tries to say 'kitties'! She LOVES the cats! It's so sweet to see her laugh and squeal when she sees them. And when we let her pet them...oh...you would have thought she died the way she gets excited. It's sweet.
Here she is being a mess...which is how she is every minute of everyday! I would not have it any other way though...not at all.

I have a new position at work. In July there was a change of management in my preschool and I went from Assistant Director to Director. It was such a blessing! Not just the pay increase but this has been my dream. I have always wanted to have my own center. Yes I want to teach and I still think I do in a way...but this is what I've always wanted. So for about 3.5 months I've been in this position and it has been HARD! Whew...hard. Many times I've wanted to quit...pack it up and just move on. But I've realized that no matter how hard it is...and it is going to be...it's my job and I love it. I have had some really hard days that turned into weeks...this last week for instance...but I know that everything happens for a reason. To make me stronger and so I can learn from my mistakes. I'm tired of being complacent and I want to change not only for myself but for my family. At the end of the day that is who I go home to...it may be after an 11-12 hour day...which most days are...I have my Jerid and sweet Maleigha to hold me. I know not everyone will like me...and that's OK.

But I feel like sometimes people forget that I am human. I'm not just talking about work anymore...but life in general. I have faults...I know I do...but so do you! I'll be the first to admit if I said or did something wrong...but I expect that from others as well...and evidently that is too much for some people. Sometimes it doesn't seem to matter how hard you work, how hard you try to be a good parent for your child, how hard you try to do things right...there is something...always something that makes me feel not good enough. That I'm not trying hard enough. It's been rough being the only one working this last year...but I guess I don't understand why some people get annoyed when we ask for help. And when some do try to offer something...it's superficial things that are NOT needed...material things...not items we NEED! I need gas in my car to get to work, I need food for my child, I need diapers for my child, I need food for myself and my family...urgh...I don't want this to be a vent session but when you have no one to REALLY talk to about things build up.

I'm horrible at that. Letting things build up and not letting them out when I need to. So I end up ranting and raving like a lunatic! Oh well...story of my life. I wish I had a book about my life...I'd be so rich! :D HaHa! But anyway...over all my little family is doing well. We are happy for the most part, healthy for the most part, and alive and thankful for all the blessings we do have...each other.

3:16

Maleigha is HERE! After being 13 days late...she came at 1:49am on March 16th...3:16. ;) I like to think that has a special meaning...it does to me. She was a whopping 5lbs. 14oz at birth and 18inches long. When we left the hospital she was 5lbs. 9oz. I was like...what the hell...why is she so damn small??!?!?!?!? She was nearly 2 weeks late and even my doctor thought she was gonna be about 7 pounds...uhhhhhhh no!

So...here's my story. I had an appointment at my doctor's on Monday afternoon at 1:30pm. I used the bathroom before I went in and then went to the room. Of course I was going to be examined and I sat there for a good 20 mins waiting...I guess my doc was busy. Anyway...I look and Jerid and I'm like...I gotta PEE! So I get dressed and go to the bathroom again...and when I was finished I stood up and BAM!...my water broke! I was like...oh dear...what do I do?! I went back to the room...got undressed... and waited for my doctor. He walked in a couple mins later I tell him...I'm pretty sure my water broke. Sure enough...he was like GIRL...go on over to the hospital. I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited! I knew for a fact that no matter what...I was going to be coming home...with my baby. No more failed attempts...it was actually happening.

The hospital is right next door to my doctor's office so I just walked on over. We got there at 2:30pm...got checked in, got my IV, started me on a low dose of pitocin...and we were on our way. I was still only dilated to a 2 at this point so I wasn't expecting it to happen anytime soon...especially being a first time mom. I wanted to be strong and try to make it to 4cm before asking for an epidural...mmmmmmm.....them bad boy contractions started to REALLY kick in about 4:30/5:00pm. I asked for my epidural at 6:00pm and the anesthesiologist got there at 6:15pm. It was a BIG relief! They got me all set up and I was good to go. It was amazing!

About 10/11:00pm I started to feel discomfort from the catheter and found out her head was pressing against it and she was getting ready to come on out! They had me do a couple practice pushes and after like 2 pushes they told me to stop because she was right there! I was so excited! They called my doctor and told him to come on up there about 12:00am...he got there about 1:00am...I pushed for about 40 mins...and at 1:49am...my sweet sweet sweet baby was born. Without a doubt it was the most emotional experience of my life...and at the same time the best. Jerid DID cut the cord and didn't pass out...pretty sure his adrenaline kicked in. Automatically I could tell she had my mouth from the way she cried...I was in love.



The nurses cleaned her up...my doctor cleaned me up...and she got to stay with us for about 2 hours. It was very surreal. Me...I...I have a baby...and she is perfect.

It really is an overwhelming love you feel for your child the first time you see them...I always heard and now I understand. She's my best friend now...and I better enjoy it while I can...because at 2 weeks old...she is already growing so fast. I am so blessed and soooo tired...but she is here...finally.

On a different note...Jerid got a job! Thank the Lord! :) I am going back to work in a little over a week and I'm not ready to leave her yet. I'm not completely recovered myself, but gotta make that money! :)

9 days overdue...

Too bad being pregnant doesn't have an expiration date...because my baby would be EXPIRED! She was due LAST Wednesday, March 3rd. This wonderful day I've had in my head for MONTHS now...I was even induced on that day. It was a failed induction. I was at the hospital at 5:30am, got my IV...which took them 3 times to get. I have NEVER had an IV and that was the most traumatic thing I've gone through...so I guess I'm lucky. My Dr. came in and checked me and I was still where I had been...BARELY 2 cm. They started the pitocin drip at a 6 at 8:00am. They upped my pitocin dosage by 3 every half hour. So...the max is 40. I was at a 40 for HOURS! I NEVER dilated past a 2cm.They weren't going to break my water until I was 3cm dilated...never made it to that point. No change at all. I did however get to experience the worst pain I've ever had my entire life. I was given something to knock me out and took the pain away for about 2.5hours. Finally around 6:30pm my Dr. did his last check and I still had made no progress. He sent me home. Jerid and I got home at 8:00pm. 14.5hours later.

I have never had to endure the loss of a child and pray that I never do. But at that moment I felt like I had lost her...and I never even had a chance to have her. I was beyond distraught. Honestly the hardest day of my life and I felt cheated. I had gone through all that...and for nothing. I want everyone to know that I have not been against waiting...or that I was trying to go against my body. My Dr. said I could do it and I thought it was time. NEVER would I have imagined putting my self or her through that. I also never thought an induction would fail and be sent home without my baby. This comes from a lack of communication with myself and my Dr. I was told that if I had not gone into labor on my own over the weekend to call Monday morning and make an appointment because my Dr. said he wouldn't let me go past 41weeks. Hmph...so I was still pregnant on Monday.

I called and spoke with the scheduling people and the lady was like...he's not in the office this week. He won't be back until next Monday. WHAT! I'm sorry...what did you say?! They connected me to his nurses and they did infact let me know that he wasn't going to be there this week. I immediately broke down and started to cry. WHY had no one told me?! They did have me meet with another Dr. in the same practice the next day. So, Tuesday I went in and was told that I wasn't even quite at 2cm dilated and that in his opinion I should not have been induced. That my body was not ready. I was so upset. He seemed to think that my Dr. and myself didn't have a clear plan and I felt like that was my fault. I've never done this before and I don't know what I'm supposed to know or to expect. I feel that as a Dr. it is HIS duty to inform me of EVERYTHING...especially if the induction failed. I was dumb-founded that evening when he sent me home that I couldn't even think straight much less have questions.

So, I find out that my Dr. is in Haiti for the week. Lovely huh? Love that I find this out not from anyone in his office, but the ER staff when I went in because I thought my water was leaking. Nice huh. This new Dr. I'm seeing until my Dr. gets back(not for sure when that is) did allow me to take something to help me sleep. Seeming how I sleep no more than 3-4 hours a night. So far it has been a blessing. And...if I'm still pregnant I get to schedule an appointment for Monday...I'll be 42weeks next Wednesday...St. Patrick's Day.

So...needless to say I'm very ready for her to be here. Yes, I'm sure some of you know that Jerid and I aren't having the best time financially. He was fired in February for a STUPID reason...but I know that my mother has let my family know just how much of a 'lazy ass' he is and I don't appreciate it. So if you are a family member and have heard something about Jerid not having a job...please take it with a grain of salt. Being it is coming from my mother who, yes was here for 2 weeks while we thought we were having the baby, and saw him here each day. But she has her opinion on things and I can't prevent that from being shared. Jerid is NOT a bad person and does want to provide for his family. I would appreciate if anyone has anything to say or would like to know what is going on...just ask me or him. Please do not think you are getting correct information from my mother. Also, please don't judge him based on what others have said...you don't know him and it hurts me more than it does him.

Well, I think that's it for now. Oh...I think that if I am asked one more time about still being pregnant I'm going to loose it! It has been a VERY emotional week and a half for me...coming home without a baby and all...still being pregnant...Dr. being out of the country...but believe me people...I KNOW I'M STILL PREGNANT! I KNOW SHE'S STUBBORN! I KNOW THAT THIS IS GOD'S WILL! I KNOW IT'S CRAZY! I know that people just care and want to know how I am...but wow...it's almost overwhelming the messages, texts, phone calls that Jerid or I one get each day from at least one person. WE'RE GONNA LET YOU KNOW WHEN IT HAPPENS! It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I don't know why it hasn't happened yet. Yes...I do know how big I am. I'm aware that I'm still pregnant. But please...for my own sanity...keep your little FB on...I'll post the moment she is born as well as alert the media. Not saying I don't appreciate everyone caring...but it hurts my feelings more than anything...and I'm not sure why. I just feel under a microscope...and those who know me know that I don't like to live that way. I'm a very private person...except for when I blog of course. ;) This is like my diary though. ;)


Ok...I think I feel a little bit better.

Worst Monday EVER!

So as of Monday, February 22, 2010, I was 38 weeks 5 days pregnant, 25 years old, and had NEVER been in an accident. WELLLLL...now I'm still 25, 38 weeks 6 days pregnant, but you can add me to the accident club. :(

Jerid and I were driving to his mom's house in Ovilla and then going to Waxahachie to see about getting him an eye exam. He only has one contact in and can't really drive...so I was driving. We were in my car...my sweet little car...and going about 40mph. We approached an intersection and had the green light. So did the truck coming the opposite way...only he was turning left...an UN-protected left. He thought he had enough clearance only I don't think he took into consideration the TRAILER hooked onto the back of his truck. The same trailer that I didn't see til it was too late and clipped the end of on my front passenger side...Jerid's side. I tried to swerve but there was a truck and if I didn't stop when I did it could have been a lot worse. The more I think about it I don't even remember him trying to stop...but there's no telling if he even saw me after he turned.

So people who really know me, know that car accidents are my worst fear in life. I am scared to death of them. I immediately started to cry and freak out. Thank GOD Jerid was there to try to calm me down best he could. I think the entire town of Ovilla stopped...it's not a very big town anyway. ;) The police were literally walking distance from where we were and came in no time. Well seeing how I am 9 months pregnant they went ahead and called an ambulance to check me out. I ended up taking that ambulance to the hospital because my blood pressure was thru the roof...which is expected. Let me tell you, I guess I never really put into thought what an ambulance ride would entail...but I was NOT a fan of that ride. Not comfy at all! But everyone was super sweet and trying to make me feel better.

Keep in mind this entire time I'm in the ambulance Jerid is off dealing with the police, his mom came, and I didn't even have my purse or cell phone with me. I was hoping that when I got to the hospital they would just go ahead and take her...NOPE! She was fine. Perfectly fine! They did keep me for a couple hours to monitor my stupid contractions that I've been having for weeks now...but they aren't good enough to stay or induce. The only progress I've made is instead of being 1cm dilated I am now 1-2...whooo...watch out now! I'm going to see my doctor today, I'll be 39 weeks tomorrow...and maybe, just maybe I can talk him into inducing me by the end of this week. Obviously I'm under a little bit of stress. ;)

I am VERY thankful that Jerid was ok. I can't imagine what it would have been like if he got hurt, or if he wasn't even there. I had no idea what to do. I got home around 4:30pm and called my insurance company. They said it was a non-fault claim...meaning not my fault! :) And now I'm waiting to hear back from the adjuster to see the extent of the damages and how long and how much it's going to cost. I didn't even want to look at the car. From what I understand it messed the fender up real bad along with the tire and door I think. I'm not sure. Jerid tried to drive it but he couldn't so it had to be towed. :( I'm just hoping it's fixable...and can be fixed soon!

So...while I'm at the hospital...Jerid called my mom. Haha...I WISH I could have heard that conversation! Needless to say she packed her car up and called my brother. She lives in Fort Stockton...which is about 7.5 hours away. My mama is 64 and does not drive at night. It was probably 2:30pm when she left...maybe closer to 3...I'm not sure. She had my poor brother drive half way across Texas to meet her and drive her back to Richardson where he lives. He had to take my nephew and his girlfriend with him to have that extra driver. It's a mess! They got to his house about 11:45pm. So...I'm thankful that my brother did that. Even though I would have rather her just drive as far as she could have yesterday, stopped, then drove the rest this morning, but it's supposed to snow and that would ad to her horrible driving. I'm glad she's here though.

This entire pregnancy I've been without any of my family...and I know I have Jerid and his family, it's just not the same. I haven't seen my mom since I got married...which will be a year in May! A girl just needs her mama now and then. So, hopefully after my doctor's appointment which is at 10:00am, I will be able to see her. I'm not sure though being it will be snowing at that time. As long as I know she's on this side of the state...I feel better.

Overall though I feel ok. Just sore from the tension but Jerid and I both don't remember even feeling anything. The air bags didn't deploy, my seat belt didn't tighten...I just remember seeing it hit the car. I had a very hard time getting to sleep last night. That was ALL I could think about. It's gonna take me a little time to get over this. I know it wasn't a horrible accident...but ANY kind of accident freaks me out. I am so thankful that Maleigha was ok too.

I still didn't sleep well last night though. I kept waking up and I'm pretty sore...I've been awake since 3:30am and it is now almost 6:00am...so I'll probably just go get into the shower here in a minute and see what I can get done around the house. Anyway...just wanted to share with whoever about my experience. And know that I am very thankful for being ok, Jerid being ok, and Maleigha as well. God was with us.

(Oh yeah...that other guy was ok too. Not a thing wrong with his trailer or anything! So thankfully no one was hurt,

Hey Soul Sister

I love that song by Train...'Hey Soul Sister'...probably my most favorite song in a long time. I'm surprised I like it so much seeming how it is not from my usual suspects like Maroon5, Gavin DeGraw, or Rascal Flatts...but they did a good job on this song.

ANYWAY...I am now about a week and a half away from my due date. I think I am going to go insane if this child does not come out soon. I have had a rough couple of weeks. I have been having contractions for about 2 and a half weeks now. They come and go in intensity, but aren't close enough to do anything about. :( Which sucks because I am really getting tired of them! I can time them to 2 mins apart and then 20 mins later they're like 15/30 mins apart! SUCKS! HaHa! I went to the doctor last Tuesday and I was dilated to 1cm and he said she was completely down...which made me feel like I've made a little progress...seeming how the week before I hadn't dilated at all! I go back on Tuesday, 23rd...so hopefully something will happen! I was in a lot of pain the other day/night...I can tell she has REALLY moved into my pelvis. My upper abdomen is not near as firm and my hips and pelvis felt like they were being crushed! I feel a lot better today though...thankfully.

Yesterday was my last day of work for about 6 weeks. I HAD to take a week off before she got here...I really just wanna rest and get everything ready. I don't think I'm going to know what to do with myself not having to work...granted I will have a newborn to care for...who by the way has the CUTEST clothes in the world! I cannot wait to change her hundreds of times! HaHa! I am starting to get really excited for Maleigha to be here. Jerid is too. We're just ready...at least we think we are. ;)

Jerid's cousin Dana had her little boy Dane a little early and sadly he is still in the NICU so if anyone actually reads this please keep them in your prayers. I talked with her today and she said he is doing much better...which is a relief...but still...scary. I really felt for her and her husband...and I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like.

I guess that is all I have to rant about for now...I'm sure there will be something later on. ;)

25 days...

I have roughly 25 days until I'm a mommy. It's scary and exciting all at the same time. Jerid and I got married May 23rd, 2009...we found out I was pregnant after 5...FIVE tests on June 28th, 2009. Needless to say...we wanted to start a family right away...and all it took was a month! ;) We are so happy though and thankful that we were able to get pregnant so easily. I don't know about most women, but for someone who has never been pregnant before I worried that I wouldn't be able to. That something would be wrong. Thankfully though I have had a very NORMAL pregnancy...with no complications...as of yet and hopefully I won't have any at all!

(Some of you may be wondering about my previous blog I had...I deleted it. I needed a fresh start and I realized that everything I wrote about was in the past...nothing could be done about it...and it needed to stay there.) With this blog I hope to keep my family updated on everything going on in our lives...especially with Maleigha coming. She isn't the first grand baby on either side but she's the first one in a long time!

It's weird being pregnant. I'm not a 'happy' pregnant person. I have been VERY emotional...and seeming how I'm a wimp this isn't exactly the most comfortable feeling in the world. I will say that the most incredible feeling is FEELING her move inside me. Sometimes in the ribs and at 3:00am it's not so great...but it really makes you believe in God if you don't already. It's crazy though. I am sooooo ready for her to be here and to have my body back! Jerid is so excited to be a daddy and I know he is going to be an incredible one as well. He is great with kids...may act like one sometimes...but I'm a kid at heart too...we're perfect for each other.

I'm sad to say that with only 25 days left until she should be here...Maleigha's room is not completely ready. :( We are waiting to move the computers out until we get our tax return back so I can get a laptop. Then we can move everything out. We haven't filed out taxes yet because we're waiting for one more W-2. And I still need to get her dresser/changing table from my mom-in-law who is painting it for me...she's a saint! But it'll be OK...that's what I keep telling myself...but for someone who is currently nesting and feels the need to wash my shower curtains...it's kind of driving me crazy that I don't have everything ready!

Hopefully I'll be better about this blog than the last one and I'll try to update more often...at least let ya know when Maleigha is born. ;)