9 days overdue...

Too bad being pregnant doesn't have an expiration date...because my baby would be EXPIRED! She was due LAST Wednesday, March 3rd. This wonderful day I've had in my head for MONTHS now...I was even induced on that day. It was a failed induction. I was at the hospital at 5:30am, got my IV...which took them 3 times to get. I have NEVER had an IV and that was the most traumatic thing I've gone through...so I guess I'm lucky. My Dr. came in and checked me and I was still where I had been...BARELY 2 cm. They started the pitocin drip at a 6 at 8:00am. They upped my pitocin dosage by 3 every half hour. So...the max is 40. I was at a 40 for HOURS! I NEVER dilated past a 2cm.They weren't going to break my water until I was 3cm dilated...never made it to that point. No change at all. I did however get to experience the worst pain I've ever had my entire life. I was given something to knock me out and took the pain away for about 2.5hours. Finally around 6:30pm my Dr. did his last check and I still had made no progress. He sent me home. Jerid and I got home at 8:00pm. 14.5hours later.

I have never had to endure the loss of a child and pray that I never do. But at that moment I felt like I had lost her...and I never even had a chance to have her. I was beyond distraught. Honestly the hardest day of my life and I felt cheated. I had gone through all that...and for nothing. I want everyone to know that I have not been against waiting...or that I was trying to go against my body. My Dr. said I could do it and I thought it was time. NEVER would I have imagined putting my self or her through that. I also never thought an induction would fail and be sent home without my baby. This comes from a lack of communication with myself and my Dr. I was told that if I had not gone into labor on my own over the weekend to call Monday morning and make an appointment because my Dr. said he wouldn't let me go past 41weeks. Hmph...so I was still pregnant on Monday.

I called and spoke with the scheduling people and the lady was like...he's not in the office this week. He won't be back until next Monday. WHAT! I'm sorry...what did you say?! They connected me to his nurses and they did infact let me know that he wasn't going to be there this week. I immediately broke down and started to cry. WHY had no one told me?! They did have me meet with another Dr. in the same practice the next day. So, Tuesday I went in and was told that I wasn't even quite at 2cm dilated and that in his opinion I should not have been induced. That my body was not ready. I was so upset. He seemed to think that my Dr. and myself didn't have a clear plan and I felt like that was my fault. I've never done this before and I don't know what I'm supposed to know or to expect. I feel that as a Dr. it is HIS duty to inform me of EVERYTHING...especially if the induction failed. I was dumb-founded that evening when he sent me home that I couldn't even think straight much less have questions.

So, I find out that my Dr. is in Haiti for the week. Lovely huh? Love that I find this out not from anyone in his office, but the ER staff when I went in because I thought my water was leaking. Nice huh. This new Dr. I'm seeing until my Dr. gets back(not for sure when that is) did allow me to take something to help me sleep. Seeming how I sleep no more than 3-4 hours a night. So far it has been a blessing. And...if I'm still pregnant I get to schedule an appointment for Monday...I'll be 42weeks next Wednesday...St. Patrick's Day.

So...needless to say I'm very ready for her to be here. Yes, I'm sure some of you know that Jerid and I aren't having the best time financially. He was fired in February for a STUPID reason...but I know that my mother has let my family know just how much of a 'lazy ass' he is and I don't appreciate it. So if you are a family member and have heard something about Jerid not having a job...please take it with a grain of salt. Being it is coming from my mother who, yes was here for 2 weeks while we thought we were having the baby, and saw him here each day. But she has her opinion on things and I can't prevent that from being shared. Jerid is NOT a bad person and does want to provide for his family. I would appreciate if anyone has anything to say or would like to know what is going on...just ask me or him. Please do not think you are getting correct information from my mother. Also, please don't judge him based on what others have said...you don't know him and it hurts me more than it does him.

Well, I think that's it for now. Oh...I think that if I am asked one more time about still being pregnant I'm going to loose it! It has been a VERY emotional week and a half for me...coming home without a baby and all...still being pregnant...Dr. being out of the country...but believe me people...I KNOW I'M STILL PREGNANT! I KNOW SHE'S STUBBORN! I KNOW THAT THIS IS GOD'S WILL! I KNOW IT'S CRAZY! I know that people just care and want to know how I am...but wow...it's almost overwhelming the messages, texts, phone calls that Jerid or I one get each day from at least one person. WE'RE GONNA LET YOU KNOW WHEN IT HAPPENS! It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I don't know why it hasn't happened yet. Yes...I do know how big I am. I'm aware that I'm still pregnant. But please...for my own sanity...keep your little FB on...I'll post the moment she is born as well as alert the media. Not saying I don't appreciate everyone caring...but it hurts my feelings more than anything...and I'm not sure why. I just feel under a microscope...and those who know me know that I don't like to live that way. I'm a very private person...except for when I blog of course. ;) This is like my diary though. ;)


Ok...I think I feel a little bit better.